Forgive and forget,keep moving forward and let go of the past.
These are the most cliche' phrases that we hear everyday.
The anger will eat your "stomach" so they will say.
Forget the past and learn from your mistakes.
It's so easy to tell anyone to stop holding on and just live again as if nothing happened.
But was it really that easy.
When you've been stabbed a thousand times in you heart and the wounds are still bleeding, can you forget?
When you've been pushed in a cliff and you're still struggling for your life, can you move on?
If you're valued possession was taken from you and it was being dangled and bragged in front of you, can you let go?
If you're still drowning in your pool of tears, will it be unfair to remember every pain.
Is it too much, to still dwell some on the remaining grief if it's the only way to be connected with a loved one?
If it's the only way, is cherishing a painful memory a justifiable act?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The turtle
There was once a turtle that is somehow miserable with his life. His shell was too tight and and the pond that he live in was too noisy with frogs and he was always agitated. HE felt that he deserve everything so he just goes on with his life always annoyed and suffocated. He’s afraid to ask for more because he’s afraid that he’ll lost everything and be thrown out of the pond. Because despite of all the annoying frogs and the tight shell he’s life now was still the happiest compared to all the things that happened to him and the pond was where he felt at home.
And then one day he asks his guardian if he was where he was supposed to be. Then his guardian told him “You’ve been a good turtle and you wish nothing but my presence. But it’s ok to ask me not just to help you bear everything but to be with you also when you’re in luxury. You don’t have to be lonely to be with me. Live your life. Go get a bigger shell and transfer to a more peaceful place and just look back at what you’re life had been. Learn from your sorrows and mistakes but go on and embrace the future. It’s ok to be happy.
And then one day he asks his guardian if he was where he was supposed to be. Then his guardian told him “You’ve been a good turtle and you wish nothing but my presence. But it’s ok to ask me not just to help you bear everything but to be with you also when you’re in luxury. You don’t have to be lonely to be with me. Live your life. Go get a bigger shell and transfer to a more peaceful place and just look back at what you’re life had been. Learn from your sorrows and mistakes but go on and embrace the future. It’s ok to be happy.
Friday, November 27, 2009
My little gentleman
When I was in the clinic for my 2nd ultrasound, to check the 8 month old child inside my womb if it’s a boy or a girl, I had this anxiety enveloping my being. As a first time mom, I had so many uncertainties. When I was in the hospital bed and the machine was gliding through my huge stomach, the laboratory technicians ask me to talk to my child and ask him to open his legs so we can see his genitals. I was so skeptic about the idea but I followed anyway. I saw my husband’s awkwardness with the idea but he obliged as well. As soon as I talked to the baby and asked him to open his legs so we can see, he moved his legs and there we saw his privates and so we found out he was a boy. A coincidence perhaps but from then on I know I have this connection with him. That as his mother, he would understand me.
He had shown his intelligence at his early months, copying my hand gestures of itsy bitsy spider at two months which really awed his skeptical “Lolo” because he really can’t believe that a child that young would be able to do those things. AT 3 months, I found him “reading” a child’s magazine which I left beside him so I could pee. I was so amazed that instead of worrying that it might fall to his face, I had found time to look for my cell phone so I could record the scene. He was really amazing. Of course I am his mother so I would be really partial to him that all the things he did were perhaps taken as an overstatement.
Of all his accomplishments, awards and medals that he had been collecting since then, what really awed me is his resilience and respect for character. As we try our best to mould his character and build a good man out of him, we sometimes forget that he is just a child. Though I still think it would be best for him to be perceptive of all the things that are happening around us and to be aware of reality and truth of what really life is. Sometimes, I felt guilty. I was sometimes unsure if it was really necessary or I was just stealing the innocence out of him. He’s always perceived as mature for his age but still he is an empty glass waiting for the water of knowledge pour unto him. He accepts all our sermons and criticisms courageously without a blink of an eye and accepts his faults and without battering his eyelashes apologizes for his mistakes. He tells the truth without hesitation even though he fears he will be reprimanded later. He welcomes challenges and shrugs defeats. He tries to understand all my mood swings as I try to understand his. He is assertive enough to say what he really feels about some issues and brave enough to reproach anyone whom he think is doing wrong. Sometimes he was misconstrued as over bearing especially when he tells the truth. And the truth sometimes hurt. We always bring him to all the social gathering that we attend to and he always behaves exceptionally. He never persisted on acquiring anything but carefully implies if he wants something. He knows how to save his money and knows the difference between wants and needs. He spends his savings wisely to the point that he almost spends nothing of it. He guards himself not do the things he’s not supposed to do when he’s grounded even though I myself sometimes forgot that he is grounded. He remembers every little detail that happen in his everyday life. My promises and my rules which a lot of times backfires at me and I will be told of by my little gentleman. I was always been told that I am so rigid and a lot of times I ask my son if he thinks so too. But he never fails me and always answers condescendingly “I’m used to it already and anyway it’s for my own good”. And then after being reminded of how benevolent my son is I would go out and buy something that he really likes and surprise him when he came home after school. These are the small things that he would accept with a lot of enthusiasm like as if he was given a million pesos.
But what really makes me teary eyed is his sensitivity to our feelings. At his age he is the one who encourages me to do better and to be better. He influences me more than I influence him. I taught him values that are hard to comply with sometimes as an adult and he learned so well that it compels me to follow it too. He constantly reminds me of the virtues he was told at home and at school and reminds us, his parents to abide it also. As we see him grow to be a good man that we always wished him to be, he gifted us with his own self conceived knowledge with his childlike innocence and grace. He conquers the world with his purity of spirit and his unwavering faith. His brave little heart which warms everyone around him, serves as a symbol of his incorruptibility and virtue that would remind us all of the wisdom of our savior Jesus Christ when he told us to be like a child so we could enter the kingdom of heaven.
He had shown his intelligence at his early months, copying my hand gestures of itsy bitsy spider at two months which really awed his skeptical “Lolo” because he really can’t believe that a child that young would be able to do those things. AT 3 months, I found him “reading” a child’s magazine which I left beside him so I could pee. I was so amazed that instead of worrying that it might fall to his face, I had found time to look for my cell phone so I could record the scene. He was really amazing. Of course I am his mother so I would be really partial to him that all the things he did were perhaps taken as an overstatement.
Of all his accomplishments, awards and medals that he had been collecting since then, what really awed me is his resilience and respect for character. As we try our best to mould his character and build a good man out of him, we sometimes forget that he is just a child. Though I still think it would be best for him to be perceptive of all the things that are happening around us and to be aware of reality and truth of what really life is. Sometimes, I felt guilty. I was sometimes unsure if it was really necessary or I was just stealing the innocence out of him. He’s always perceived as mature for his age but still he is an empty glass waiting for the water of knowledge pour unto him. He accepts all our sermons and criticisms courageously without a blink of an eye and accepts his faults and without battering his eyelashes apologizes for his mistakes. He tells the truth without hesitation even though he fears he will be reprimanded later. He welcomes challenges and shrugs defeats. He tries to understand all my mood swings as I try to understand his. He is assertive enough to say what he really feels about some issues and brave enough to reproach anyone whom he think is doing wrong. Sometimes he was misconstrued as over bearing especially when he tells the truth. And the truth sometimes hurt. We always bring him to all the social gathering that we attend to and he always behaves exceptionally. He never persisted on acquiring anything but carefully implies if he wants something. He knows how to save his money and knows the difference between wants and needs. He spends his savings wisely to the point that he almost spends nothing of it. He guards himself not do the things he’s not supposed to do when he’s grounded even though I myself sometimes forgot that he is grounded. He remembers every little detail that happen in his everyday life. My promises and my rules which a lot of times backfires at me and I will be told of by my little gentleman. I was always been told that I am so rigid and a lot of times I ask my son if he thinks so too. But he never fails me and always answers condescendingly “I’m used to it already and anyway it’s for my own good”. And then after being reminded of how benevolent my son is I would go out and buy something that he really likes and surprise him when he came home after school. These are the small things that he would accept with a lot of enthusiasm like as if he was given a million pesos.
But what really makes me teary eyed is his sensitivity to our feelings. At his age he is the one who encourages me to do better and to be better. He influences me more than I influence him. I taught him values that are hard to comply with sometimes as an adult and he learned so well that it compels me to follow it too. He constantly reminds me of the virtues he was told at home and at school and reminds us, his parents to abide it also. As we see him grow to be a good man that we always wished him to be, he gifted us with his own self conceived knowledge with his childlike innocence and grace. He conquers the world with his purity of spirit and his unwavering faith. His brave little heart which warms everyone around him, serves as a symbol of his incorruptibility and virtue that would remind us all of the wisdom of our savior Jesus Christ when he told us to be like a child so we could enter the kingdom of heaven.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
envy
As the eye of the monster turned green, everything that happened in his life flashed through his mind. The insatiable thirst to have everything that the people around him posses and more, makes his throat burn. He spend 15 years of his life sucking up to all the people he hate in order for him to be where he is right now and yet it seems not enough. He’s still unsure if he had made the right choices in life. Or was he doomed to be forever, trapped in a life he hates. What if he went elsewhere and followed the girl of his dreams...Would he be happier? Was he trapped to be with someone he thinks less of? Will he spend forever with the woman who sucks at mothering his children, lazy and irresponsible and was so dense that she was dragging him down to a moot life? Will his children be enough to satiate his hunger for a better life? Or will he always regret his erroneous decision of letting go a better life because of pride.
He felt envious of the man who has less of what he has but has more of what he wants in life. He felt terrible when he had what he would never have in spite of all the sucking up he had done in his life. What if his woman was better, would she be the wind beneath his wings and helps him soar? Or will she be forever an encumbrance to him. What if he deserves her and it’s what all he can have? Would He be envious enough to betray a friend? Yes, he can. After all he had done, a simple defecting wouldn’t hurt him at all. Why does he need conscience and pride? After all, he had none for the longest time now. He believes his lies and little dream surrounding his pretend world. Who cares if he steps on another’s foot as long as he steps ahead?
But would he be really happy racing with infinity. Would his cravings be satisfied or would he be exhaust his life trying to catch up the fast wind until he dies.
He felt envious of the man who has less of what he has but has more of what he wants in life. He felt terrible when he had what he would never have in spite of all the sucking up he had done in his life. What if his woman was better, would she be the wind beneath his wings and helps him soar? Or will she be forever an encumbrance to him. What if he deserves her and it’s what all he can have? Would He be envious enough to betray a friend? Yes, he can. After all he had done, a simple defecting wouldn’t hurt him at all. Why does he need conscience and pride? After all, he had none for the longest time now. He believes his lies and little dream surrounding his pretend world. Who cares if he steps on another’s foot as long as he steps ahead?
But would he be really happy racing with infinity. Would his cravings be satisfied or would he be exhaust his life trying to catch up the fast wind until he dies.
tips
TIPS
Before you spend all your Christmas bonus and 13th month pay imagine yourself after the holiday broke and regretful of all the unnecessary spending. So before you walk in to the mall remember all these tips.
1. Account all the extra money you’ll receive this holiday and all your debts.
2. After paying your debts and you still have extra money list all the things you would like to buy and categorize it into two “needs” and “wants”.
3. Carry the list of the things you need with the approximation of the cost so you’ll know how to adjust later.
4. Be wary of SALE sign because it’s there to lure you to spend more than you planned to. Just stick to your list and you’ll be satisfied with your effort later when you’re at home and there are no temptations around you.
5. This is a tough time and everyone is tightening their belts so your true friends and love ones will understand if you don’t give them expensive gifts this Christmas. Still the best presents are the things that can’t be bought at the mall. You and your love.
Let us not forget the reason why we celebrate Christmas, amidst the shiny lights and trinkets -The birth of our lord in the lowly manger to save us all from our sins.
Before you spend all your Christmas bonus and 13th month pay imagine yourself after the holiday broke and regretful of all the unnecessary spending. So before you walk in to the mall remember all these tips.
1. Account all the extra money you’ll receive this holiday and all your debts.
2. After paying your debts and you still have extra money list all the things you would like to buy and categorize it into two “needs” and “wants”.
3. Carry the list of the things you need with the approximation of the cost so you’ll know how to adjust later.
4. Be wary of SALE sign because it’s there to lure you to spend more than you planned to. Just stick to your list and you’ll be satisfied with your effort later when you’re at home and there are no temptations around you.
5. This is a tough time and everyone is tightening their belts so your true friends and love ones will understand if you don’t give them expensive gifts this Christmas. Still the best presents are the things that can’t be bought at the mall. You and your love.
Let us not forget the reason why we celebrate Christmas, amidst the shiny lights and trinkets -The birth of our lord in the lowly manger to save us all from our sins.
a woman
I am a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend
I am the wind beneath my man’s wings
I am the cradle that rocks my baby to sleep
I am the joy and pain of my parents
The inevitable bitter sweet medicine of their past
A selfish friend and friendly foe
A shoulder to cry on and an unstoppable mouth
A diva and a bitch
A selfless sacrifice and a vexed help
The fat cat on the couch and the wolverine at night
Stilettos and purses, eye shadows and purses
A poet without a muse
The strength and comfort
The light of my home
At the end of the day I am not just a woman
I am a woman
I am the wind beneath my man’s wings
I am the cradle that rocks my baby to sleep
I am the joy and pain of my parents
The inevitable bitter sweet medicine of their past
A selfish friend and friendly foe
A shoulder to cry on and an unstoppable mouth
A diva and a bitch
A selfless sacrifice and a vexed help
The fat cat on the couch and the wolverine at night
Stilettos and purses, eye shadows and purses
A poet without a muse
The strength and comfort
The light of my home
At the end of the day I am not just a woman
I am a woman
Saturday, November 21, 2009
a joyful day..
It's a succumbing feeling that envelopes all your being to see the one you love enjoys a truthful joy. Beyond the speculating eyes and the silent scorns of some of your false friends and the joyous claps and congratulations of his true and loving peers. His aura emmanates a wonderful feeling of a rewarded happiness that spreads a cheerful glow through his family
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